The tough sometimes think it would be better not to be here. The last 2 weeks (4-18 April 23) have been 2 of the toughest for me mentally since my suicide attempt in 2018.

I had a really good breakthrough in therapy where I was able to release the lid on the anger and rage I have been holding onto over my life that is quite squarely directed at my mom. It is quite a dichotomy to love and hate someone in equal measure because I do genuinely love my mom and know she was the best mom she knew how to be BUT I hate her too for not protecting me more in my childhood. And it really is OK to hold those to emotions for someone at the same time.

Then I am having to move – long story but my current accommodation has really become untenable to live in. Being a bit naive and having dealt with the local council when I was in a similar situation four years ago I thought it would be an OK situation. Boy, was I wrong on so many levels. I was left feeling worthless, dejected and wanting not be here anymore. Thankfully, I was strong enough to reach out for help to friends and I am not going to let this be the ruination of me. I have fought too long and too hard to let some bureaucratic processes that are not fit for purpose to take away how far I have come. I am in contact with Citizen’s Advice and will be working with them going forward.

Amani has been a superstar and has not left my side while we have been at home so I am able to stroke her and give her lots of cuddles as I’ve needed to.

And after all of that I was really not feeling like going out or socialising but I had booked an art workshop a few weeks back to I forced myself to go out and it was really just what I needed. I left the workshop feeling mentally lighter and with a painting (as seen in the feature photo) that I am so in love with. Art and creativity really is a great mindfulness escape from reality and can make you feel so much better for it regardless of the end result.

To anyone who has read this far and who is struggling can I encourage you that you are quite normal. It is ok to feel how you feel, don’t beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself. Reach out to your support network and if you’re still building that network then reach out to any of the amazing support charities out there.

And remember: YOU HAVE ALREADY SURVIVED 100% OF YOUR BAD DAYS. That’s a pretty good track record right there.