I started seeing a therapist just before Christmas 2022. I have had therapy before, 5 years ago after my suicide attempt in January 2018 and then again in 2019 but these sessions were limited to the standard NHS 12 weeks which, lets face it doesn’t really achieve much and is mostly focused on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. While these did help at the time they didn’t offer me the long term help that I so desperately because of the long term trauma I had suffered through my childhood.

At the beginning of 2022 while having a visit with my social worker for my fostering application I started to realise that some of (actually a lot of) the things I had experienced growing up were actually abuse and not normal behaviour. Roll on September 2022, following the passing of Queen Elizabeth II I began to realise I was maybe overloading my friends and needed to get more professional help. Which I did and I am making good progress.

In the last few weeks before Mental Health Awareness Month/Week I had a few wobbly moments which I talked about last month. And I have been reflecting on this since. There is an awful lot going on in the world today that really can be quite triggering to those of us (and by this I mean most of us) dealing with mental health. And it doesn’t matter how strong you think you are or unaffected by the world you may feel these things take a toll.

The strength here though is to speak up and reach out. Too often we let the fear of stigma attached to mental health stop us from getting the support we need. I read a great article recently by Carolyn Spring about Why stigma makes sense (even though it’s not right). In it Carolyn discusses how our primitive ancestors would isolate themselves when they were ill to protect the rest of the tribe but how in the years of advancement in medical science we no longer have to do this and yet with mental health this still continues. Our physical biology cannot keep pace with the advancements in technology and societal pressures that have such bearing on our mental health. When we are vulnerable enough to admit to these things we often times learn we’re not the only one. Think of the new mum struggling with a colicky baby or weaning onto solid foods, someone recently diagnosed with cancer or other chronic health issue – all these situations can cause the person to feel isolated and alone especially when social and other media is filled with the “perfect” life of others.

So how do we go about changing these things? We speak up!! We find our safe people, we become vulnerable and work it through and then we pave the way for others for follow so they don’t feel so quite alone.

And what I am doing personally? I am working with my therapist to work through the hard feelings. The feelings that for so long I have intellectualised and put away as dealt with only to be surprised by the onslaught of emotional flashbacks and echos. I am being open with my close circle of friends and asking for the help I know I desperately need and so often in the past (especially as a child/teenager) did not get and so feel trepidation in asking for because the only way for me to put those echos on mute is to show them that I am stronger than the fear of rejection that so often came along with it in the past.

And of course spending time on self care, taking the time to reflect, relax and create, and getting lots of snuggles from my amazing support cat Amani.